Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Feeling lost...

It's been a while I know!! Christmas has come and gone...and so many things have changed since my last post... I have an emptiness that I'm not sure will ever go away...

On Januaury 27, 2008 my Dad Joe V. Martinez passed away. It was very unexpected, then again are we really ever prepared to lose a person that we love and adore?

If you know anything about me, you know that I'm completely a Daddy's girl to the core and that my Mom is my Best Friend.

I'm very close to both of them and having a hard time with being me right now...

I know that there will be good days and bad...But it just seems like I miss him so much and that will never feel any better...

I look at my Mom and see the pain in her eyes , the pain that she doesn't share with anyone because she's so worried about being strong for all of us.

I know that my Dad was her whole world and that she is missing him like crazy but she doesn't show it to us... That's not who she is... She is Mama Bear that protects her cubs... Even though were all adults and supposed to be taking care of her.

I miss so many things about him... Even though I know he lives everyday in my heart I want him back!!!

So many people have been so kind and caring to us at this time. We are so blessed to have so many wonderful people that have comforted!

The "Hoochies" My parent's little pet name for my close girlfriends, what would we have done without them???

They are still here for me and thank God because I still need them each and everyday!!

I know this is a sad post... But I have been told it helps to write about it.... let it out! So that's what I'm doing... Besides I don't think any one reads this thing besides Heather and Staci....

Tomorrow I will post about another big change in my life....

Until then...

Carla

4 comments:

Robin said...

I am sooo sorry to hear about you dad. He was such a nice man, I only met him once while photographing your family but I could tell how much he loved each and every one of you. I lost my dad when I was 16...I will always miss him but I take comfort in knowing that I will see him again someday. Take care. Big hugs :)

P.S. See...other people read your blog too :)

Anonymous said...

I read your blog.....

Love Ya~
Miki

Anonymous said...

Carla-I was so sorry to hear about the loss of your Dad. I saw your Mom last week at the Melodee class and gave her a big ol hug. I know what you are going through my Daddy passed on Halloween this year way to soon. Everyday I think of him and wish his road didn't end so soon. Hugs to you! Always know that he is close and always will be.

Anonymous said...

Chula, i read your blog too. I love you! You are my heart, my very best friend. You have been so strong and i am so proud of you. I can only hope and pray that my daughters will love me as much as you love and take care of your mom. I know that she is proud of you too. Along with all of that hurt in her eyes, you can also see how proud she is of you by the way she looks at you. I so admire your strength Carla.
Take care of yourself and i am always here praying for you!
Your lover,
Dawn