She is going home...

Well tomorrow my mom is returning to her home... She has only been there a few days here and there since my Dad passed away.

The rest of the time she has stayed with one of us kids. I'm not sure that I'm ready for her to go. I know that I need to let her go... She has been so depressed, I know that it will feel better for her to be back where she had her life with him and I know this is part of our healing process, But... I can't help but feel sad that she is leaving.

I just miss my dad so much, I think it feels like when she's here it's just like one of her visits when she comes and stays to scrapbook and he's at home...

But he's not at home... My Aunt and cousins have totally gutted her bedroom and made it "new" for her. She couldn't bare to be in their room without him. So now it's different and they took care of his clothes for her. I think that should help...

I know that time is the only thing that can make us all feel better... But I have to admit I'm so tired of feeling so empty!

Scrapbooking doesn't even really make me excited anymore... I want it to but I just can't get into it.... Maybe I just have to try a little harder... Maybe some of the new product will help get me there??? I don't know, I do know that he loved that I took so many pictures and he loved that I scrapbooked... Maybe that's why I'm having trouble with it... I got so much joy showing him my stuff....

I don't think I should blog at night anymore, that's when I think about him the most and it makes for some depressing blog entries...

Update on my Surgery:

I feeling good and getting stronger and stronger every day...I've lost 48 pounds since I got out of the hospital and I'm starting to incorporate pured-(sp?) foods... Of course I gained 18 pounds of liquid while in the hospital. But I'm very happy with my progress this far.

Until Next time...
Me

Tag i'm it...

Today My Mom, Dawn and I took a really cool class at Paper Tales. We had such a wonderful time! We sat with a lady named Margie that was just a blast... She was so much fun!

We made Pixies and a Fairy House... What a fun project! Who would of ever guessed that I could turn Brandi and Boomer into Pixies?

Tonight my Mom and I watched Broken Bridges with Toby Keith, I do have to admit that man is sexy... I mean HOT and Sexy... OUCH!

I know that since I'm getting stronger every day and soon it will be time for my Mom to go home... I know that she is ready and I need to be strong.
But I do have to admit it's hard. I know that it has to happen, but the thought of life moving on with my Daddy is just so heartbreaking!!
I know that we have to start finding our way it's just so sad... I know that she is sad too and wants to go home and be where they were together. But I'm gonna miss her like crazy!

Okay enough of that Staci tagged me so here it goes...

The rules of the game are posted at the beginning. Each player answers the questions about themselves. At the end of the post, the player then tags 3 people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves's them a comment, letting them know they have been tagged and asking them to read your blog.

10 years ago: I was still in my 20's having the time of my life being WILD and CRAZY!! I had 1 nephew Justin, that I loved and spoiled like crazy... I worked for Connie Kalitta as a user support manager for the Help Desk. I hung with the Hoochies and had dinner with my family every Sunday. I believe that was the year that I started Scrapbooking also...

Things on my to-do list today: Go with Dawn and my Mom to our class... Come home and spend time with my mom... Marty went out with his friends...

What I would do if I were suddenly made a billionaire: I would take care my Family and Marty's. We would build a custom home with a MIL Loft so my mom could live with us..
I would give all my close friends so money to make like easier. I would start in foundation in my Dad's name.

3 of my bad habits: smoking, not enough exercise and time management

3 places I have lived: Belleville Michigan, El Cajon Ca. and Westland Michigan

5 jobs that I have had: Cashier at Meijers, Proof operator at NBD, User support manager, Project Manager, Recruiter - Head Hunter

5 things people don't know about me: I was afraid of getting married for many years, despite the fact that my parents had an AWESOME marriage.
I baby my brother and sister and act like their second mother more then I should.
I'm afraid of heights
I'm a klutz
My parents spoil me rotten!

Alright there it is... I'm going to tag Heather, Jolene and Jen...

Carla

Gastric Bypass Surgery....

Yes, can you believe it... With everything else that has went on in my life latly I took a leap of faith and invested in myself.

I hope that everything continues to improve on a daily basis, like it has thus far. My Surgery was 2-12-2008 and I have to say I feel pretty good so far.

I mean the first couple days were a blur... I slept quite a bit... I never even watched my T.V. at the clinic. If I wasn't sleeping I was walking!

Wow I will say that I'm glad to feel like a person again... It's still a little slow moving and going but I feel good...
I'm so blessed with my friends... I know that it's truly unique to have such great girlfriends in your life... Hopefully I'm just as good to them!!

Thank you Erin for dropping everything and coming to this side of the state to spend time with me... I know that it isn't easy getting someone to be with the kiddo's... It meant so much to have you here.
Thank you Tesh for spending Friday with me... I love you!!
Thank you Miki for coming and spending last Saturday with me... I love me flowers... But the BOMB pops - Sugar Free of course were the best present ever.... I love you!!

My mom and Marty spent the whole first day with me while I slept... Dawn, Scott and the girls paid me a visit - again, I was sleeping... Ant brought the boys to visit me. I think Justin and Kamron felt a little better to see that I was okay.

Thank you Jeneice, Staci and Sandi - For the cards to let me know that I was on your mind. That means so much to me.

Thank you Heather for understanding that I needed to do this for me and being there for me...

Thanks to everyone for the prayers and calls and the check-ins...

Please keep me and my family in your prayers as we continue to learn how to go on without my Dad.

Feeling lost...

It's been a while I know!! Christmas has come and gone...and so many things have changed since my last post... I have an emptiness that I'm not sure will ever go away...

On Januaury 27, 2008 my Dad Joe V. Martinez passed away. It was very unexpected, then again are we really ever prepared to lose a person that we love and adore?

If you know anything about me, you know that I'm completely a Daddy's girl to the core and that my Mom is my Best Friend.

I'm very close to both of them and having a hard time with being me right now...

I know that there will be good days and bad...But it just seems like I miss him so much and that will never feel any better...

I look at my Mom and see the pain in her eyes , the pain that she doesn't share with anyone because she's so worried about being strong for all of us.

I know that my Dad was her whole world and that she is missing him like crazy but she doesn't show it to us... That's not who she is... She is Mama Bear that protects her cubs... Even though were all adults and supposed to be taking care of her.

I miss so many things about him... Even though I know he lives everyday in my heart I want him back!!!

So many people have been so kind and caring to us at this time. We are so blessed to have so many wonderful people that have comforted!

The "Hoochies" My parent's little pet name for my close girlfriends, what would we have done without them???

They are still here for me and thank God because I still need them each and everyday!!

I know this is a sad post... But I have been told it helps to write about it.... let it out! So that's what I'm doing... Besides I don't think any one reads this thing besides Heather and Staci....

Tomorrow I will post about another big change in my life....

Until then...

Carla